This resource has been prepared with thanks to Matthew Thomas, a part of our National Safeguarding Team.
BUT IT’S ONLY A BIT OF BANTER!
Humour is an important part of our lives but some people go too far. Although you cannot always control someone’s negative behaviour, you can control how long you participate in it. For most of us, the groups we belong to have probably kept many of us sane with the funny jokes, cartoons, video, check ins and wellbeing messages. A team of people can also improve the camaraderie and output when everyone is respectful and individual differences and preferences are acknowledged and there is a good rapport within the group. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and boosts the immune system which helps to decrease stress. But being part of a culture that empowers successful, productive teams also provides that boost.
However, sadly, sometimes people do not know when they have gone too far, sometimes overstepping the mark and their professional boundaries.
Within The Girls’ Brigade England & Wales, everyone is expected to treat all (both volunteers and employees) with care, compassion and respect. All those working with children and vulnerable adults must promote their welfare, health, wellbeing and development and take every reasonable precaution to protect them.
Harassment and bullying
Harassment and bullying remain significant issues in every environment despite increasing awareness of the problem. There are many typical harassment and bullying behaviours, ranging from unwelcome remarks and persistent unwarranted criticism to unwanted physical contact and aggressive shouting. Recipients of these inappropriate behaviours are more likely to experience anxiety, be less satisfied at work or with volunteering, and want to leave the organisation.
Because unwanted attention is unwelcome, some people may be confused as to what they are experiencing. Those subjected to bullying or harassment experience high stress, become less engaged and are more prone to sickness absence, all of which may lead to higher people turnover and less productive teams.
But perhaps the most accurate indicator of bullying is that it comes from an imbalance of power. Banter is something that happens between peers, friends, and equals. Even so, it’s not as simple to distinguish between the two with these definitions – there are those who will claim their behaviour was simply in jest because they regard the victim as a friend. But even when the recipient and perpetrator are friends, this doesn’t mean to say that what someone sees as just a bit of harmless banter isn’t upsetting; even to their best friend.
If you are worried you might have stepped over the line and/or may accidentally be bullying someone, check in with them. Ask them if they are comfortable with the teasing. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how your words might have impacted them.
Banter versus bullying online
It’s a good idea to think about the way you communicate online and how it might make other people feel. Take a couple of seconds to read back what you’ve written and consider how it might come across before you hit send. To avoid ‘crossed wires’, using emojis, such as a laughing or smiley face, can help to show what you mean if you think someone might pick up on your message incorrectly.
Documenting incidents
As the recipient of unwanted banter or bullying, it is important to document incidents that result in discomfort and speak to a trusted person or a manager when unwanted attention becomes a problem that affects your working environment. If the situation is not managed to your satisfaction, then escalate it again. Examples of unwanted attention might include:
- repeated and unwanted communication via phone, email, social media, etc
- targeted and repeated jokes that are offensive in nature
- repeatedly asking someone out on a date when they’ve already said no
- sending or leaving unwanted gifts
- commenting on someone’s physical abilities or appearance
- excluding someone from discussions or preventing them from making decisions
- unwanted touching of any kind – even touching that seems innocent, like putting an arm around someone’s shoulder or a pat on the back.
Power harassment
Power harassment happens when a person abuses their position by bullying a victim who is perceived as lower than them in the hierarchy. Those in positions of influence or those with discretionary or decision-making power are often called a ‘person in a position of trust’ (PIPOT). They could perhaps harass an employee/volunteer who avoided a task they didn’t want to do or could make their team feel guilty for not working late or belittle their achievements. They could use their position to pursue unwanted sexual relationships or disingenuously curry favour to promote and enhance their position. This often leads to an unstable and anxiety-inducing work environment. Common examples of power harassment from a ‘higher-up’ include:
- intrusion into personal life
- making demeaning demands
- excessive requests that are impossible to meet
- unsuitable banter.
Examples of discriminatory harassment
Unlawful workplace harassment is discriminatory in nature. As opposed to physical or psychological harassment, this type is defined by its intentions, not how it’s committed. Instead, the victim is harassed because they are a member of a protected class.
Under the Equality Act, there are nine protected characteristics, which are:
- age
- disability
- gender reassignment
- marriage and civil partnership
- pregnancy and maternity
- race
- religion or belief
- sex
- sexual orientation.
Examples of discriminatory harassment include:
- racial slurs
- intolerance toward religious holidays or traditions
- someone either over an age or of a younger age to the majority being left out of activities or meetings
- degrading comments or jokes about sexual orientation
- comments about gender in relation to the job they do.
Making fun of someone’s race, gender, religion, disability, ethnicity or appearance is disrespectful. Even if someone pokes fun at themselves it doesn’t make it OK for others to do the same.
How to deal with harassment and bullying
If you are experiencing anything that makes you uncomfortable or does not sit within our values, then speak out immediately. If left unchecked, someone’s bad behaviour may result in actions that could have been avoided if managed early enough.
Don’t humour bad banter
We’ve all been there, you’re all having a laugh and someone oversteps the mark and leaves someone upset. Because they’re friends they laugh it off, but you can tell one of them isn’t happy. If you don’t tell someone that they’ve taken it too far, you’re only going to encourage more comments of a similar vein.
Don’t be a bystander
Even when you’re not on the receiving end of banter you can still make a difference. If you can tell someone isn’t enjoying the banter being thrown their way, point it out. It will help them in feeling supported, but it will also let the perpetrator know that the jokes they’re making aren’t funny.
Read the room
‘Reading the room’ means using your intuition to judge the context of a particular setting or situation and then acting accordingly. Every relationship is different and it’s important to take this into consideration when bantering.
People who have been friends for years may well make fun of each other in front of others, but it may not be your place to do the same. Always remember to read the room and don’t join in on teasing that may be misread, especially if you don’t know the person well enough to join in.
Don’t hone in on people’s insecurities
Poking fun at something you know someone is already insecure about is never good, no matter how close you think you both are. It’s only going to make them feel more insecure and bringing it up in front of others is only going to embarrass them.
Turn the tables
Saying ‘it’s only banter’ doesn’t excuse your actions if you’ve upset someone. Before you make a jibe at someone you’re unsure about, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself if you’d find it funny in their position. Just because you are friends and you think it’s funny, doesn’t mean it is.
When banter becomes malicious and crosses over into abuse
Volunteers or employees suffering workplace banter that goes too far are often reluctant to do anything about it. This is when banter has crossed the line into abuse and bullying. Anyone who thinks that confronting such behaviour could be detrimental to their position, or fears repercussions, may be the victim of workplace bullying. If someone feels uncomfortable, intimidated, berated or humiliated then that ‘having a joke’ or ‘just a bit of banter’ becomes acceptable.
Banter can very easily turn into bullying, especially if it’s relentlessly targeted at an individual. Once others join in, this mass bullying can become not only deeply upsetting but frightening and intensely intimidating. If that is the case, then what may have started out with humorous intent has most definitely crossed the line. In this case, the victim should immediately inform a senior manager or the Support Centre. If the situation cannot be resolved the victim may need to register a formal complaint or grievance.
But there is also malicious banter. This is where someone is trying to humiliate someone else under the camouflage of banter. This is the most toxic of all. If you believe that you are the victim of this malicious, targeted behaviour there are a series of steps you can follow.
How to deal with malicious banter
1 Try to resolve it first by speaking to the individual making the advance
Be honest with the individual about how you feel and that you’re uncomfortable and you want them to stop. Talk to the person rationally and explain why their ‘banter’ isn’t as funny or harmless as they think. If they don’t take on board your concerns, or you don’t feel able to talk to the person in person, you should talk to either your line manager or to the Support Centre. No work relationship is worth you feeling uncomfortable or being harassed.
2 Speak to your manager
If it feels appropriate, you could speak to your manager about the issue to seek advice on the best way to handle the situation or what the process would be to make a formal complaint if it’s gone that far.
3 Seek guidance
If you are uncomfortable approaching the individual(s) who are making the advances or your manager, and the issue doesn’t quickly resolve itself on its own, consider seeking advice on the subject from the Support Centre. They should be able to give you some direction in how to handle the relationship. If your case borders on harassment, or you claim you’re being harassed, then Support Centre staff will likely need to arrange an investigation around the issue. Harassment is not something to be taken lightly.
Other routes
There are also other routes that you can consider taking, including:
- reporting directly to police if the wrongdoing involves a crime or potential criminal activity
- contacting your local safeguarding team
- completing a cause for concern report form
- contacting Care First
- emailing complaints to GBCO@gb-ministries.org
- making a ‘Freedom to Speak Up’ disclosure, sometimes referred to as a ‘whistleblowing’ disclosure. See Life to the Full for more information this.
Completing a cause for concern report form
If you genuinely believe an allegation or are worried by something you have seen, heard or been told about, include your name and contact details and as much detail as possible about what is worrying you before forwarding to [email protected]. This can then be assessed as to who is best placed to manage the concern. It may be given to the police or the local authority safeguarding colleagues to follow up.
Freedom to Speak Up
If you do not feel it is safe for you to raise a grievance through the normal line management procedure, there is an option to use the Freedom to Speak Up process. The Freedom to Speak Up Guardian’s role is to provide leadership, expertise, advice and to challenge The Girls’ Brigade England & Wales to ensure no one suffers negative repercussions from speaking up. If you have something you want to speak up about and feel that other routes are not suitable, or if you just want some advice and support on what options you have, please email [email protected].
This is a confidential service and the Guardian will protect your anonymity if this is important.
What if I’m wrong about my concerns?
People are sometimes reticent to raise concerns openly in case they are wrong. Whilst that is an understandable worry, you cannot afford to take the risk of not reporting genuine concerns. Not reporting could mean a lost opportunity to help the people at risk of harm and could result in The Girls’ Brigade England & Wales being judged to have failed in our duty to keep people safe. People who report in good faith will not be penalised even if their concerns turn out not to be quite as you thought. Remember that if you genuinely believe there is wrongdoing, you should remain steadfast and provide contact details so that you can discuss your concerns, give a fuller explanation and be supported.
Adapted from (c) St John Ambulance 2026, with permission
